Yessss. Yes. Yes. Yes.

This is a popular scapegoat issue, but I disagree. Throughout my 20s and 30s, most of the relationships that I have seen fall apart, including my own, have not involved third parties or roving eyes. And even in those that did, there was always a larger underlying problem anyway. I think the more relevant cultural…

Trump’s hypocrisy here and the responses from his idiot fanbase are both hilarious.

I absolutely support that. I think anyone who plans to run for president should develop a track record as a civil servant first. If they care so much about us, show it.

Why bring down just the one candidate when you can bring down both.

Absolutely lovely, so aspirational, I hope to have excessive exercising and lack of nutrition in common with my new husband some day.

This is the same request I’d make to the Greens and Socialists and every other third party candidate. Change starts at the roots, and for godssakes don’t undermine national runs by just showing up, Ralph Nader and Jill Stein.

Pippa always looks like Amy Sedaris playing the role of Kate Middleton in an episode of Drunk History.

Look. The Rock seems like a nice person. But goddammit. He should not run for president. Presidents should have years and years of education and experience. Why does everyone think they can do it. Look at Trump and how he is failing. That does not mean someone with even less experience than Trump can do it. Come on.…

Dear celebrities,

I think it’s because they’re all so skinny? Subcutaneous fat is one of the first things to go as we age, and with 3% body fat, there’s nothing there to plump up their skin. My understanding is that this is why so many mega rich and rail thin women in LA have fillers out the wazoo.

Everyone is acting like this is beyonces first pregnancy, oh wait, it is.

The wedding is probably Scottish themed because the groom’s dad bought a fake Scottish title that the family is very proud of.

omg, this is a recurring thing?

His wife even refuses to touch him

All these totally not racists said they voted for Trump because he’d bring more jobs, even though he put a hiring freeze on federal agencies, aka is preventing more people from getting jobs.

In my day we walked uphill both ways to get smallpox!

About time someone took down that waste of money CDC! Always whining about diseases and pandemics and whatnot. Why, when I was a boy ya just got smallpox and died and you liked it!

So you guys know that he wants CDC to be understaffed because Bannon believes that diseases mainly effect the minority populations, right?

There is a 0% chance that 45 doesn’t say something totally insane, even for him, on this trip. It is going to be long, boring, and he won’t be able to go golfing. He is going to be grouchy as a baby on a roadtrip with a dirty diaper.