He seems pretty pissed about a completely accurate report of his current situation.

Always been a fan of the hand-written letter

You’ll get nothing and like it

“They’re almost trying too hard, really.”

He's taking all the Jewish baseballs and sending them to the camps beyond the right field fence

The internet is truly a cruel mistress.

One of these days, Elvis. One day I’m going to touch your hat. We’ll see who is laughing then.

There are 69 calories in a “vodka Diet Coke.”

it would probably burn some off too

#GetLukeACharger

When I was a teenager I kept getting this one blackhead below my left eye, just next to my nose, about 1" away from both. It came and went a couple times. The “last” time it showed up it was HUGE.. I ended up super gluing a toothpick to the top of the blackhead and ripped it out of my face. It was awesome. This whole…

“Mama always told me not to look in to the eyes of the sun....

If you’re talking about the NFL Draft today, you are a fucking idiot with no life.

Goldberg or Gillberg??

Love watching women’s soccer, can get into televised softball and gymnastics, enjoys watching women who are world class athletes like Williams sisters, but women’s basketball is a TV nightmare. HOT TAEK I know...

It is the best kind of correct.

I know that being an asshole to people just because they like something you don’t isn’t anything new on the internet, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone get THIS offended by the fact that some people like to watch wrestling.

Thanks Trudeau

Liar

Deadspin, no! It’s great you brought Jezebel writers over for a day. Bringing over this, however, is the not funny kind of April fools joke.