While I am sad about the quality of men online dating I am VERY glad when they reveal their true selves so quickly. Saves lots of time.

It would take all of my willpower not to reply with this gif.

Ha! I instantly thought of the this upon reading the 5th Instagram:

Dibs on the dark lord

I recently reopened my OkCupid account (I was drunk and feeling optimistic, cut me some slack). It's taken a whopping 1 day to start getting weird/pushy/you hurt me in my feelings center messages. I will email you with the especially bad/hilarious ones. Maybe the potential embarrassment of ending up on the web will…

To be fair, Dude #7 gave her 6 whole days before he broke out the bitch. And he told her she looked good one time, so that seems like a reasonable escalation.

Hell with these guys, I'll do something stupendous for you just for adding this to my lexicon: "Super-duper nopetipus nopeington Sir Nopesalot Nopediddynopenop nopey nope NOPE."

Dear Rebecca,

I have a great idea for your next series. It involves you setting up an OKC profile. And then, y'know. Being Burt. Lots of screencaps.

I know this is a lot of work for you and that your S.O. might object, but I encourage you to ignore all those things in favor of the truly hysterical end results that I…

Best one I've had recently was "Aw, you scared?" when I didn't respond to his "Hey baby wassup."

i shall blush until i ERUPT INTO FLAME ty you are so sweet.

Psst Mark, just a little tip. They're definitely not used tampons. Just painted ones. Used ones would be bloated out fat and the blood would be . . . well, you get the picture.

And I applaud their use of rubber washing up gloves. Good clinical hygiene is important, even on the runway.

Came for this, leaving happy.

She found skulls with brown hair often wore coils around their ears, though she's not sure why.

Nothing's ever good enough for me... *sobs in despair*

Everyone's a critic.

Thanks, it's my only art that I'm truly proud of.

Dude is 57. Way too old to have that many buttons undone in the Post article picture. Also way to old to be grabbing women's asses. Like 57 years too old.

WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO SANDY?! That imposter dog is short-haired and clean. I will not have this travesty.

Me neither, like There are tons of better actresses they could have found for that role.