Flash to whenever: Apple registers the trademark "Uslan Bolt", and pitches the technology as "The gold medal standard of charging your devices, magically!"

Shenanigans?!

Keep on the look out for the primary suspect...

Simple Jack, you say?

I though Rip Tide was Kristen Saban's nickname...

I've watched three minutes of this thing and I've come to two conclusions:

A few counter-points, if I may:

At long last I can finally re-create my favorite comedic pseudo commercial!

"Only about ten percent of the 8 million people who live in the United Arab Emirates, one of the world's wealthiest nations, are actually Emirati citizens; the rest are Western expats or Asian, African and Middle Eastern guest workers."

This is the only "Looper" I will recognize...

"What?!"

All Your Children

Relevant. And hilarious.

"There isn't much you can do to prevent that is there?"

"There's not much new in the video Apple soon-to-be-former parts reseller ETradeSupply posted..."

Ahem...

"I'd start with Lasers, 8:00, Day One..."

Can we call this the Roker effect? I can't look at him without seeing his former, larger self.

Here't the label that will be on all Ditto's clothing, plus an 800 number for dressing/un-dressing assistiance.

Ahh...I remember the radio ads like it were yesterday: