Sorry, these have for the most part already peaked chart-wise. Cheap Thrills will be the Song of the Summer when all is said and done.

Obligatory:

It’s just so good. And rare - people don’t often make morality plays anymore.

Martha probably knitted a sweater out of dental floss in jail.

My daughter is almost 9 and she legit thinks that women are not allowed to be president because that must be why we haven’t had one by now. I’m going to let her stay up late tonight and watch.

She also once asked me who the first black president was. I said, Barack Obama, and she said “I know he is one of them, but…

Nope.

That young lady is a tearing beauty.

He’s probably too lazy for missionary. She’s on top doing the work with the added bonus that if he’s on his back, his wrinkles are pushed back.

Winona forever, but she deserves better than this clown. Winona has impeccable taste in musicians — I mean music — and there is no way she’d put up with Depp’s Hollywood Vampires bloated dad-rock nonsense.

The Ardrey Kell High School talent show: You pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge

What about proto-douche Reggie? His blue/black hair and shitty attitude was hot. He was my first comic book boyfrint.

Retribution!

I agree with you, but, unfortunately, you can’t assume around here everyone agrees with us: A few months ago there was an article about a 14 year old “baby groupie” who was raped by David Bowie in the 70s and the consensus in the article and in the comments was that the girl was worldly and sophisticated and it was a…

I read Shirley Temple’s memoir years ago. She was having a private meeting with the producer Arthur Freed and he pulled his penis out of his pants. Shirley fucking Temple! She was 13. If that could happen to a huge child star, who made so much money for the studio, imagine how the other less famous child actors were…

Ok, but 2gether 4life. (Does anyone else remember MTV’s 2gether? Or am I too much of an old for it to resonate with this audience?) It was so rad, they actually opened shows for Britney Spears in character.

If pay is supposed to be commensurate with the quality of the performance, she should make at least double what he makes.

Serena wouldn’t even know the words to Baby Got Back. But really, Serena wouldn’t even have an Instagram because why give that stalker bitch Gossip Girl more fodder?!

Men will NEVER admit they are the most dangerous threat to other people in this world. Not all of them, of course, but men in general have caused fare more deaths than any woman, child, or animal (except maybe mosquitos!) . Whether it’s their egos or greed, they seem to be the root of most evil. They’re the ones…

went to my 10-year HS reunion last summer, rocked a LBD with red paisley stilettos, reconnected with a random-yet-Clooney-esque guy from my HS, and we're now getting married in september.