It has come to this. Our government is more absurd than a 20 year old Simpson’s episode. Fuck me.

Lunch? What kind of communist shit is this? You get your parents to give you $10 every day and shop at one of our fine on-campus fast food restaurants.

What do SNL writers do now that half their material is just real life verbatim?

Currently imagining Michael Scott in Times Square.

“He has not been a person to do staged events for the sake of doing staged events.”

Anyway, we know where this is going: Someone is going to have to lure Donald Trump out of Trump Tower with a six-foot portrait of himself and force him to be president.

He’s tweeting, he’s occasionally visiting the two restaurants he likes, and he literally doesn’t get outside even to glimpse the sun:

I feel like I’m wearing a tin-foil hat here, but here goes: something in the meeting is leading the dems to think Comey himself is compromised at this point.

He found donald’s Russian sex workers by finding the two that most looked like Ivanka.

“So let’s talk about the time you investigated the corrupt Blatter.”
“Actually, if you read the report, it wasn’t corruption. He actually paid them to do that.”

He uncovered the corruption at FIFA via the secret spy method of Googling “FIFA + Corruption”.

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

If Republicans were smart—if they were a rational political party able to act in their own best interests—they’d impeach Trump as soon as possible.

I feel like we can eventually undo any over conservative ideologies that may get implemented but we’ll never be able to reconstruct our atomized remains after a hydrogen bomb is dropped directly on to our collective faces.

Another case of sloppy Deadpsin journalism. This is obviously the reaction to Brown vs. Board of Education.

Reminds me of that time at work when I got fired for calling my co-worker a dirty fucking whore. When she complained, my boss had me thrown out the door. I tried to explain as the door slammed shut. “But my wife...”

Atlanta Hawks GM Wes Wilcox will be formally disciplined by the team

-R. Kellyanne

🎶Well, it’s the remix to ignition

“Listen, I know you guys are upset, but let me tell you, I know what a pick looks like.”