“I took her to see “Celtic Pride”, and afterwards we danced as Rick Robey and Curtis Rowe serenaded us at Patrick’s Tavern in Malden. It was the greatest night of my life. Not so sure about her”

“I asked Cindi if the Lakers intentionally lost in the 86 playoffs to avoid the Celtics, who were the best team of all time, and she said she didn’t know. I really have to rethink things now. I feel like Billy Zabka at the end of Karate Kid.”

NEXT WEEK ON ANY GIVEN BACHELOR...WILL SYMANTHA GET THIS ‘TEEN WOLF’ REFERENCE? BILL GETS CAUGHT DRUNK TEXTING SAGE STEELE, IS HE HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS? AND THE LADIES HAVE A CONTEST...A SWIMSUIT CONTEST *boiiiiingaoingoing*

Can we all agree that Bill Simmons, regardless of current marriage status, should be the next Bachelor? Watching vapid women attempt to listen to his takes with a straight face would be primetime TV gold.

“Have you guys tried extreme vetting on your Presidential candidates?”

T-minus five minutes until your uncle’s Facebook explodes about a Mexican stealing something on his way over the wall.

The existence of a coach named Jeff Fish implies the existence of a coach in the NFL named Jeff Fishest.

Jacked about That.

+1 screen name/comment synergy

Go Falcons.

Well, it appears to be working for that fucker in DC who just swiped The Constitution.

When I hit my 70s I’m going to play the doddering-old-fool thing to the hilt and steal soooo much shit.

But when they asked him about his experience, he said he had no memory of it.

I look forward to the day that a black former player can just call a new coach up out of the blue and leapfrog nine existing candidates to run an NFL team.

The 49ers became sold on his ability to recruit personnel after reading on his resume that he spent 15 years working as a headhunter.

Well it’s kind of representative of the sport itself. Basketball is the second largest global sport and the NBA is popular all over the world. Of course it wants to embrace inclusiveness because players literally are from all over the world. The NFL is pretty much USA only. MADE AND CONSUMED IN THE USA!

I had a cabbie once that had a ferret on his passenger seat. He was feeding it pieces of a rotisserie chicken. You don’t get that with Uber. Fuck Uber 

See you tomorrow.

It’s really not that tough to figure out why, is it....?

Aside: The Falcons should go back to those ‘90s uniforms permanently.