Sounds like some sort of douche Broadway-loving WASP Falcons fan to me, so it’s all the same.

The team has a Hamilton-themed hype video for God’s sake.

I really thought this sentence was going to end with a dildo joke.

Jerry Jones is probably upset this news didn’t come out earlier. If it had, the Cowboys could’ve signed Elliott for next to nothing like they did La’el Collins.

“Dick and balls” is one of the greatest gifts Deadspin has ever given us.

Naturally, Ryan missed the obvious metaphor.

Texas is burnt orange, extremely flawed, and narcissistic enough to create its own television station...which has landed the rest of their conference in ruin.

Texas is Trump in college football form.

Naturally, Ryan missed the obvious metaphor.

Texas is burnt orange, extremely flawed, and narcissistic enough to create its own television station...which has landed the rest of their conference in ruin.

Texas is Trump in college football form.

Sorry guys, but nothing will top Philips Arena’s ring of honor.

From left to right, this is:

3 WNBA conference title banners (0 championships)
A Widespread Panic 20 consecutive sellouts banner
A “World’s First LEED Certified NBA Arena” banner

1. That’s Emory
2. GT often leads the country in binge-drinking due to their rigorous course loads and lack of co-eds.

This All-Star Game ain’t shit without Nick Noheart and Can O’Corn.

As a lifelong Barves fan, I can’t wait to never set foot in this place.

Of course that all goes out the window when they’re in the World Series in 2035. But until then...fuck ‘em.

Trump is not a politician. He’s a failed businessman who aspires to be a demagogue.

If there’s another type of punditry, I haven’t seen it.

This is factually impossible, for Adam Schefter attended the University of Michigan.

“I’m just glad little Donald, the gritty baseball hardman he was, didn’t stick with the game long enough to make it to the majors. Look, having this guy run for president is no fun at all, but can you imagine how much worse off baseball would be if Trump had gotten involved?”

Inclusion on this list would only elevate his self-satisfied air of wannabe southerner douchebaggery, so I applaud the omission.

I have a soft spot for any moment where little brother gets one over on big brother.

The thought of Tom Sula (legitimately what I thought his name was until week 12) selling doormats DOOR-TO-DOOR is amazing.

I guess in those 5 years, you still haven’t learned that Deadspin (and especially Kinja) is no place for sincerity.

He had it all, and then lost a very tiny bit of it.