Deadspin’s repeated use of “dick and balls” is easily one of my favorite things on the internet right now.

Please make it a searchable tag.

Telling people about your fantasy teams and being a Boston fan are two of the worst traits a man can have. Somehow this guy is getting paid $9 mill to do both. Kudos to him for gaming the system.

Any time the coach or parent yelled out “Just like in batting practice,” it was time to take a few steps toward the plate. If batting practice was the kid’s only moment of competence, you knew he had to suck.

Spoken like a true Cobb County resident.

But wait...did the local Laketown man find the pirate treasure or not?

That opening graf is an exemplary sample of True Writing!

I really thought this was going to be a “football won’t exist in 30 years” take, but you somehow made it all about yourself. I applaud that.

Peak take season is the baseball hot stove meetings. Or, as I like to call it: The Easy Take Oven.

Walter McCarty comes to mind.

As do:

Stromile Swift
Cuttino Mobley
Tony Delk

I wish PSU officials had been this talkative about molestation when they actually could’ve helped someone.

Lifelong Atlanta Hocks fan here.

If you don’t like it...fucking stop them from doing it.

What are you talking about? LeBron’s desperation to be loved combined with his complete lack of likable characteristics should make for great cinema!

Not only that, but Big Play will find a way to leverage this into even more religious public speaking $$$.

“My family has overcome many hardships, but we never lost our FAITH.”

It’s mind-numbing how often the Hawks don’t even get a shot off in these scenarios. But when they do...

Wait, he went to college with Fred Couples? Fuck yeah.

Shouldn’t we be blaming this one on Russell Athletic?

As a Georgia Tech fan, I blame most of my life’s problems on Russell Athletic.

Am I the only one who is shocked Rafael hasn’t changed the spelling of his last name to Crews or Cruise? (You know, to be more American-y.)

With LBJ and RG3, Cleveland is going to lead the world in brooding, entitlement and passive aggressive Instagram posts.

Comin with more hits than the Braves and the Yankees
Livin mad phat like an over sized Bam-bi

Gotta include:

But in the Jetta commercial...why did the basketball guy have to be black though?