If you were a real man you’d go full, unapologetic hobbit.

he looks like the brother in get out and he shouldn’t be trusted even a little

17. When the ball breaks its placental sac, allow it to climb about your body gently probing for any weaknesses and using its lace sensor to detect potential sources for food.

instead of a traditional first pitch, president trump will hold a rally at a Hardee’s in Tampa Florida that will feature posters of baseballs. media will not be allowed to attend.

I had the skills. I had the talent. I had the natural ability. But my dad never broke into a live ESPN broadcast and screamed “MY SON IS SO GOOD AT BASKETBALL HE SHOULD BE ON THE FUCKING LOGO” into the anchor’s mic, so I never really broke through.

we can all agree that neither one of these men are doing a very good thumbs up

500 Days of Bridgeport

Captions:

Just have the cameras immediately cut to the owner’s box after every play so a wealthy white guy wearing clownishly large rings can properly modulate the emotions of the viewing audience.

Quick way to see if your date is a real human person or artificial intelligence is to ask them whether there are two halves or four quarters in women’s college basketball. If they aren’t sure or say that there are two halves, you’re dealing with highly advanced artificial intelligence and the most important thing you…

BUILD THA FAHCKIN WAHLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!

Many believe we should destroy the chicken before it destroys us. I believe that I should get the chicken to fall in love with me so that when it topples civilization, I will be there to pick up the pieces and rebuild the world in my image after I outlive the big chicken because my assumption is that chickens, no…

god i hope these mundane existential nightmares come every single fucking day

please do not stop posting about this team. one per day. more! i want these posts to burn me into ash.

Thank you for this

ZACH BRAFF WENT THERE

They’re speaking in hockey code.

ham, you idiot fool, if the elites don’t swill moon wine and first-growth volcano champagne then we will have to drink their foul tasting piss instead of moderately luxurious piss! better things for the pirate actor and the money mover means we get covered in better piss. this is simple!

heh remember when nikola mirotic was a thing?

With the 15th pick in the NBA Draft the Chicago Bulls select Flurb McCutcheon, Undersized Shooting Guard from Definitely Not A Power Conference University.