the only thing i care about in football is when the winning team lines up to gently kiss the tip of the president’s penis and receive a championship muffin

The President is one of the most powerful solipsistic wizards of all time. I am increasingly convinced that he believes he is the only conscious being in the universe and that we are all fragments of his vast and all encompassing imagination. He doesn’t talk to people like they are people because he doesn’t think that…

One of the things about this blog post right here is that it is good.

A 60 year old man wearing a baseball uniform waddles out to a small grassy hillock. Before him stretches a rolling grassland leading to the bushy outliers of a vast and dark wood. The soft old man raises his hand and sounds an air horn. The blast fills the plain before him with sound. A short while later there is a…

hahaha what a weirdo! well done! I like how it’s all satire until the last paragraph which is a very serious paragraph about the hottest thing imaginable in any scenario. really well done.

you cannot guard a man who exists in the silvery slipspace between the waking world and the dream world

Lotta people been waiting on this so I’ll say it here on Deadspin

Phil would rocket to the top of my best coaches of all time list if all he said as a coach was complete nonsense.

Yes also that.

please explain

There is no greater sense of pride and accomplishment than when your work team comes together to pull off a project that took literally all year and caused you pounding headaches, relentless anxiety, and lost sleep so that a few of the results can be taken and plopped onto a single PowerPoint slide and delivered as a…

This is why we watch sports. These moments of pure joy summoned from the almost impossible artistry being conducted on the field. In moments like this, we can forget the drudgery of being an international super model, we can ignore the pulsing anxiety node in our brain that says hey you have to email the crown prince…

the god damn fridge is busted! What do I need like a hammer?

sometimes you lack the chip

*dog barks* - hm, but what’s the story here?

do you find yourselves evaluating each and every single scenario/thing/piece of information you come across in life through the lens of “would this make a good blog?” If yes.............can you go back to a time when you did not think that way?

in the roaring 20s they played soccer with rackets and/or brass instruments, whichever were available at the time

oh no do you think i have that?

With soccer the one thing you always have to be focused on is kicking the ball as hard as you can whenever it get anywhere near you. My question is, under new management, will these guys be able to do the one thing that matters in soccer: kicking the ball as hard as you possibly can whenever you have the chance.

Body is all clogged up with bones. Sad!