Guys and ladies of Deadspin Sports & Lifestyle Blog: thanks. It’s always fun here. You do good stuff. Pet some dogs and drink some drinks (two). Celebrate another year of good work. The world will end soon, or at least that’s the reading I get when I throw Cool Ranch Doritos dust into my divining fire. Anyhow, hope…

“Your bodies are balloons filled with farts”

“to a minimum”

Just once. I don’t even think they played the song or did the thing. The certainly do that shit at Indians and browns and cavs games. It may be an OSU thing, but in ohio, everything is an osu thing.

Putin: *does increasingly creepy things we can’t do anything about or even really understand because we don’t have his james bond villain brain*

yes

this is like that scene in gladiator when joaquin phoenix has russel crowe take off his mask and the camera just slowly zooms in on joaquin phoenix’s lip for the next two hours

The Blue Jackets are just a new venue for Ohioans to sing “Hang on Sloopy” and scream O-H-I-O into the uncaring sky. Having attended several sports games here in Ohio that have nothing to do with Ohio State, I know this to be true.

Sisyphus, my man, just lay down and let the boulder crush you.

Hell is an endless maze of sports arena bathrooms where adult men wearing football jerseys are waiting to piss on me.

NO-DAD LAD LANDS BADBOY JABS

I am already mad at the 10,000 word spotlight piece on Grayson Allen’s comeback going into his final year at Duke.

If I remember my Catholic upbringing correctly it’s only called the penalized sack dance if you’re not married.

until tennis players are once again allowed to wield racquets that are 10 feet in diameter i will not watch a single minute of this greatly diminished sport

In Cleveland you have to be the first to find and administer a life-saving shot of adrenaline directly to the heart of an overdosed Brownie the Elf somewhere in the Flats to win tickets.

Thank you.

I completely agree. Great skyline. The Bulls are fucking trash though.

the police will be arriving at your location momentarily to arrest you for this

“not-very-good Bulls”

The stadium will crown the river. It will anchor the city. It will buttress our economy. The stadium will salt our cod. This new stadium will fire roast our tomatoes. This stadium is Guy Fieri licking a bowling ball while naked on an ice rink. The cells of my body are humming in tune with an ancient space whale who…