Did I pull the wrong string of government letters out of my brain? I was distraught. ;)

"Illegals"?

"I mean, it's racist, but it's not RACIST racist." WTF?

Oh my Jesus what is that shit. An I-9 violation, huh? How interesting. I hope ICE audits the fuck out of these boneheads for stating that.

That's the last straw, Russia. You can't ban McFreedom — it is an inalienable human McRight.

Fuck, right? I only wish that my bed had wheels so that I could further ostracize him but you work with what you got, I guess.

This one time I hooked up with a dude and right before we got to bangin' he said, "Your [sic] not one of those stuck up, full of themself [sic] kinda girls everyone says to avoid huh"

I LOVE YOU TOO BRAH

"Rosebud? RoseNOPE."

"Yes, I do comment on Jezebel. How did you guess?"

Hee!! I couldn't resist. It has such a lovely ring to it!

They should Make Guy Fieri flavors

TRIPLE X PORK HONK MMM THAT IS MONEY

I think we had the same boss. Charmer, wasn't he?

You know, if she was really so poor that losing her job because she got sick was really that big of a deal she just wouldn't have gotten sick. That's like, socioeconomical infectious diseases 101.

Oh I won't! Uncovering the truth about you is not something I'd give up easily. The people must know, man. XD

Uh huh. "Typo", you say. And coincidentally, according to your full disclosure, you are still on the competition's payroll. This is an obvious smear campaign, C.A.! OBVIOUS. #kitchenettetruther #freudiantypo #benghazi

Son of a bitch, did it really say "maggot-ridden foot"? I must start reading more carefully because I deprived myself of a good laugh on that one. Thanks, Pinkham.

I was too baffled as to what was going on to think that far ahead, tbh. But I am relieved it didn't delve into exploding goat butthole territory.

I liked the completely random and gratuitous goat butthole shot!