Basically all of Lupe Fiasco's Food & Liquor got me through some tough times back in high school when my grandmother and uncle passed away within about three months of each other.

"The philly fans are being mean. 4 yrs..." ago, they squirted cheese sauce in my eyes so now I can only read very big fonts.

Five Lakers: [play man-to-man defense]

I'm sorry, but I can't believe that Mendte was convicted of email hacking when he explicitly told Lane he was looking for a NSA relationship.

Stray coyote: [attaches ACME brand rocket to his back]

Toews: "I'm so sorry, Kaner."

I hate to promote your comment, but you've never seen a Big East basketball game, have you? The Big East, before its demise, was the premier conference in college basketball. It was a great blend of skills and Rucker Park-style basketball. It was rougher, tougher, stronger, more exciting, and of a higher quality…

BabyDUAN! After a 5 hour delay due to Vegas' shaky healthcare system, the Coolwhhhip's brought a healthy 8 lb girl into the world today. She and Mom are doing great. Now it's on to her college fund, which is getting placed on the Broncos Sunday. Cheers!

On Monday, Roger Goodell will have 50,000 pages of evidence that the 49ers had bounties and Vernon Davis will be suspended for the 2014 season.

Clean, quick and decisive.

We expect a full report of Wagner getting liquored up and racing ten-year olds down the slide in Times Square.

It's Mark Sanchez's career passer rating in amusement park form!

in response, Russia has sentenced their graphic designer to 10 years hard labor.

Foreign Tourist: "Why is there exclamation point next to Omaha?"

their shared love of capping people

Dicky V isn't being hated on for being a man, he's hated on for being terribly annoying.

This sounds like the least funny thing I've ever heard of.

shame on you.

You better move along, hunter guy. This bear is not playing games.