It was so horrible. It was Christmas Eve. I was 38 years old. Me and Mom were decorating the tree, waiting for my NFL Shop order to come home from work. A couple hours went by. My NFL Shop order wasn't home. So Mom called the office. No answer. Christmas Day came and went, and still nothing. So the police began a…

Things got even more awkward when police tried to read her rights and she vehemently insisted she "could probably" do it herself as long as she was "allowed to sound out the big ones."

I don't think that was the joke. He was talking about that Jay-Z song I'm pretty sure.

ess ee see

LeBron: Court, remember when there was only one set of skidmarks? That's when I went down on you.

As a medical professional, this is fucking bullshit! No one has proven anything about any sort of relationship between football and erratic, even dangerous behavior. What a greedy bitch! I mean, surely if NFL teams or the league knew something about players getting brain damage, they would immediately let us all…

The entire point is that she ostensibly believes he was neurologically impaired. If that was the case, then he did not "make up his mind", because his mind was almost literally being unmade. I don't know whether whether what the suit alleges is true, but regardless of that, what you wrote is a non sequitur.

Wow, the comments section on this website is so dense you can literally see the house bending towards it.

Shit did Gawker crosspost this too? People are really extra stupid today.

Make sure to sign up in my league, folks. My name is The Colin Cowherds, because my team barks at minorities too.

"farther than Kluwe" - Priefer's first response on his Deadspin live chat

"Quick watch me trace his uniform with my index finger!"

The good news is that time wounds all heels.

THAT'S THE JOKE

Banff is 100% Australians.

IT BLINKS!

"Stu, listen, I know you've had the eye issue. And of course, you've had cancer. Then, the cancer returned. All terrible and horrible maladies that have stricken you and, obviously, I'm just really sorry about it. Tremendously sorry. Really I am.

Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele.