There was an English teacher at my school who was obsessed with the Kennedy assassination. He actually came and spoke to the US history classes because he was a supposed expert. He was an idiot, of course, and got very irritated when me and another kid kept challenging him. When he insinuated that Jack Ruby died under…

Yeah, but Garfield's relative who was a doctor was a homeopath, so it's not like he was any more qualified than the original quack.

Yep. And his name was "Doctor." Dr. Doctor Willard Bliss.

Because you were given the choice of either doing it yourself or everyone else doing it?

You mean The Mad King?

I kick puppies to check my leg strength.

Ninety percent of his show is true? Let's see. "In New York City on the morning of Tuesday, September 11 2001, the World Trade Center and some adjacent structures were destroyed by the government." 22/25 words correct. That makes 88 percent. I guess he's about right.

Maybe we can put on a War of 1812 reenactment.

"Has no time for 'Fued?'" She's 100 years old. She doesn't have time for much of anything.

I think the Kims are a lot more similar than the Roosevelts, actually.

Trump puns? Ivana keep this going.

One thing I know about Frederick Douglass, he knew how to find the North.

I'm so tired of always hearing about the Koreadashians.

Actually, we used to be paid a reasonably good wage plus tips, with the hotel getting the service charge, and she decided to give us the service charge without lowering the wage, getting rid of the "gratuity" line on the checks or even lowering the room service prices to be the same as our other outlets. Long story…

"Even Bill O'Reilly never used chemical weapons on his own people."

There was a big seminar-type thing at the beginning of November at the hotel I work at for a bunch of movers and shakers, and Tucker Carlson was one of the featured speakers. Not long beforehand, I'd been talking to my boss, who is pretty apolitical, about the election. She seemed to agree with most rational people…

The Voice (That Screams Crazy Shit at You)

"Sometimes, late at night, if you listen really close, you can hear Alan Colmes' voice saying something liberal."

Sometimes known as "Old Man Wasteland."

I try to combine them when I can.