*James Woods books appearance on Fallon*

I didn't know that about Spiderman. It makes sense, though. I guess Nightcrawler is probably supposed to be black, too.

I love the fact that he was never supposed to be blue in the first place, but after enough years of people thinking the blue highlights were his actual color, Marvel finally said, "Yeah, fuck it; he's blue."

Now there's a Simpson's quote I've taken to heart!

I've done some community theater myself, but I wouldn't go near a Disney musical with a ten-foot pole.

Maybe prejudice against mutants wouldn't be quite so bad if they didn't insist on referring to themselves as not humans.

Come on, W. wasn't that bright, but he at least could function in the world on a day to day basis without any help. Trump hasn't advanced beyond the age of about six. Dubya's more like a teenager.

I'm gonna put on a production where the Beast costume is just Hank's brown and yellow X-Factor uniform. You know, from when he was a human.

I feel bad for people who get mocked on the internet for trying. I mean, I'll still mock them, but that doesn't make it right.

I work at a hotel. At least every few weeks we have to deal with some prick who is actually ANGRY that somebody called him mister instead of doctor. We put little name tags on the door and cards in the rooms, and I get called to change them all the time because Dr. Dickface doesn't want his mailbox label to say Mr.…

It's amazing to me how many people find arrogance and pettiness to be admirable traits. Maybe all that assholes that say assertiveness and confidence are the way to get what you want and get people to like you are on to something.

To be fair, the Obama administration was also obsessed with pursuing leakers. Of course, it wasn't run by criminals, incompetents and authoritarians.

If Trump ever reaches the point where, like Nixon, he's abandoned by all but his most fanatical supporters, I'd love to see his reaction to being criticized by Fox and Friends. The Twitter tirades would be priceless.

But why did we have to find the most stupid and incompetent one and make him president?

I remember seeing Napolitano on Stewart-era Daily Show and thought, "This guy doesn't seem too bad. A little too Libertarian, of course, but not nearly as crazy as the rest." Then I found out some of the crazy shit he's said and thought, "Well, at least he's smart enough to tailor his message to the audience."

Wow, Grant was only 46. He certainly looked older than 46 if you ask me. But everyone looked old in the nineteenth century. And I imagine being in charge of the Army of the Potomac would probably age you quite a bit.

I'm fifteen years older than Citizen Kane-era Welles. I'm also only two years younger than Theodore Roosevelt was when he became president, and there's no election in the next two years, so I'm definitely not going to set the new record.

Cat People is fucking awesome.

Now I'd like to see a series where he goes around having anonymous gay sex. It'd be called "The Down Lowe."

It doesn't count as long as she's not underage anymore, right? Because if not, I should probably get rid of all this vintage porn I've got sitting around.