I think this, American Idol, 60 Minutes and hours a day of CNN are the only things my grandmother watches. Then she'll mention things about this and American Idol in casual conversation, like she expects me to know of have opinions about the various contestants.

Does every president who brings out a dead soldier's family member then dwell on the length of the ovation they got?

That's pretty bad, but I'll Alawi it.

That joke was Shiite.

Nobody can read anything you write most of the time.

I think you can stream it on a Roku.

Isn't anyone else going to "The AV Club" this?

Send the bitch with the wheels right now or I'll fly back home and give your wife something to hang her towels on!

It is, and don't call him Shirley.

Look, you may not be into that, but you shouldn't assume nobody is.

I can see you're upset by your long feces.

My theory is that Michael J. Pollard set them up.

I think you meant, "Steve Bannon fishes bottom-feeders out of the sewer and gets them elected president."

That was a tragic day, but even though they got knocked down they got up again.

Now that I think about it, "People's Court" was a syndicated show. How likely is it that it would have been on at the same time in whatever place they happened to be as it was wherever Raymond lived? And was Raymond OK with time zone changes? Like if his watch said 6:00 but you told him it was 5:00 would he just…

That'll be the day.

You're absolutely right about that. It's assumed that most movies are aimed towards men, and if they sexualize men, then that's homoerotic. I'd say that Top Gun really does have a pretty strong gay element, though. The guys in it flirt with each other like crazy.

"See, 'illusion' is code for sex with a child, so 'I've been working on a new illusion' means they're grooming a new victim. 'I'd like a volunteer from the audience' means 'You need to provide me with an alibi because I'm going to abduct a kid today.' 'Magic' refers to the drugs they use on the kids to keep them…

Sorry; wasn't thinking about the glisten.

No matter what we or they did, Russia and the US would never go to war over Syria. At worst, there'd be a skirmish or two between us. The US and the USSR both intervened in a ton of countries during the Cold War, and never were they stupid enough to go to war with each other. Syria isn't nearly important enough to…