I think it was just so unlike anything that came before it that people didn't really care that the Vietnam stuff was completely nuts.

I'll give you an "Intimidated Juanita Broadrick" and a "Secret Lesbian with Huma Abedin" for them. Do you know anyone with a "Illegally fired the White House travel office" one?

I wanted to keep it pithy. All that other stuff goes in the full article, which I'll be posting a link to as soon as I write it.

That fact that I just made it up doesn't mean that nobody already believed it.

Half of "Deer Hunter" is a completely ridiculous movie with some really bizarre and unrealistic shit going down while subhuman Asian caricatures scream and sweat, and the other half is a brilliantly filmed document of small-town bleakness. But the lead actors are fucking solid throughout.

He had a rocky road to success.

I'll give you my "Vince Foster murder" card for your "Impregnated by Jim McDougal" card, but I'm not interested in your "email" or "Benghazi" cards. Those aren't nearly rare enough to be worth anything.

See? Immigrants' contributions to America really are overrated.

Hey, I can support a free press and also like to see naked tits. In fact, they're covered under the same amendment. Or uncovered, I suppose.

I happen to have an article right here on Infowars that says that the Committee to Protect Journalists is actually a front for a ring of gay Muslim child molesters. You can tell it's true because "protect" has the same number of letters as "Shariah" and "journalists" is an anagram of "jailors' nuts," which means…

Yeah, fuck the dissemination of information. What kind of pieces of shit would support that?

Meanwhile, The Committee to Suppress Journalists just received an anonymous donation of 1 billion rubles.

Well, she hasn't been in any of the Expendables movies. All the good actors are in at least one Expendables movie.

That makes no sense. If I had to spend any time with Jar-Jar, I wouldn't blind myself, I'd deafen myself.

I used to think Trump was, too.

What sort of troubles could a member of the Bush family cause NBC's news division?

The tortoise refuses to schedule hearings for Merrick Garland.

Michael Flynn or Steve Bannon would probably be worse, but I guess they technically aren't in the cabinet, so you're still right.

Hell, Buster Keaton would make a better president, and he's been dead since 1966.

This makes me want to start a Zatanna gimmick account.