I can't figure out how to message people on there. (I'm kind of technically illiterate.) Let me know how and I'll do it. But I want you to promise me that you won't hurt yourself tonight. You have to promise me that. And I promise that I'll let you know who I got hold of and what they told me tomorrow. Please promise…

I just signed up for alternatehistory.com. I want to contact those people and tell them to contact you, but I can't do that if you won't give me your phone number or something. If you're not comfortable having it out there, you can delete the post as soon as I make a post confirming that I have it. Do you think you…

But can you provide a phone number or other way for them to reach you? I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

Do you have contact information someone can provide them with? Maybe they can call or text or contact you in some other way.

Please don't. I know "there's so much to live for" sounds like a cliche, but it's a true cliche. It may seem like what you're going through now is the way it's always going to be, but I promise you it's not. Please call 1-800-273-8255 and talk it over with someone. They really can help. And please, please, please,…

Aren't those a little small for a storm trooper?

How does this not have more likes?

Yeah, and like many of the fake stories you see on Facebook, it was many years old and originally about someone else. People have always been both awful and gullible.

My cousin was sharing a lot of those, "like this and this kid's cancer will be cured" posts and I told him that those are scams, explained like farming and put up a link to an article that went in detail about how damaging that stuff is. The next day, he'd shared like three more of those damn images of sick kids.…

Well, better late than never. I mean, not much better, but a bit, right?

Will anyone make a Stallone pun? It's a real Cliffhanger.

Damone's like, the coolest guy I know.

I think you mean Boourns.

Is Robin Thicke that much better?

Yes, they reported what he said and did, which definitely gave people a negative impression of him.

He's a comedian, but on a show that largely covers politics. It's not unreasonable to expect him to be a bit more political than the average late night host.

That's what I figured, actually. The mistakes are a little too nonsensical.

I, uh, don't think he actually wants to slap a 36% tariff on all imports. But he says he'll do that with anyone who moves jobs overseas, which isn't really a thing I think you can do.

I'll take a wildfire every ten years and an earthquake every twenty over hurricanes and tornadoes on an annual basis.

Tim Horton's?