Honestly, I’m really excited to watch the Rifftrax when it comes out, but I’m gonna wait til then, because I am gonna need that aural condom.

exactly. unless i have specifically said on multiple occasions “oh if ONLY i could take a class in yurt braiding” or “surely one day SOMEONE will show me how to scuba dive with piranha goats” buying them an “experience” is like saying “i want you to become more interesting and i don’t trust you to do it yourself.”

i only know jeffrree starr from 04-06 LJ, where he used to post about how much he hated women and how ugly all us nasty smelly fish are.

he lives at least part time here in Southern Ontario, Canada, where we have two seasons: winter and early fall. for a few weeks in august it is hotter than a squirrel’s asshole in hell, and then back to early fall. therefore, we all dye our hair in the cold times, so something, ANYTHING, that you look at 8 months of…

That’s the best first sentence I’ve read on Jezebel since Caity left. A+, you.

it’s Chris. 

I want to study his adrenaline-induced disease that prevents him from sweating, which, he’s been able to do again lately, because of things, that’s he done. About it. Sounds awesome.

Yeah. Also, airport staff are generally poorly paid (even the unionized ones) and have a chip on their shoulder from years of customer service work. Don’t believe me, listen to an old person boss around the employee driving the Silverhair Express for a few minutes. Some Driving Miss Daisy shit. A few hundred bucks…

“I’m thinking about what I have left.”

I feel like we all knew Operation Dumbo Drop’s folks would turn on the Trumps sooner or later; QAnon’s whole base premise is that Trump cares about something.

Trump Mortified After World Series Crowd Starts Booing, Chanting ‘Lock Him Up’ At Melania

The fucking red cord just lying on top of things not connected to ANYTHING drives me nuts every time I see that picture. Just lying there. A 2 foot CAT5. Like would be used to connect the speakerphone. So they could hear, say, whimpering. They don’t do details well, these eejits.

Hi, I’m from Toronto and I desperately want Andy Byford back! I saw the 60 Minutes episode about what he had to deal with in NYC and have been dying to hear how it’s going - the one switchboard that’s manually operated and almost 100 years old (iirc)? CRAZY. 

I feel like I must use the elliptical incorrectly since there’s such a huge chasm between how it feels when I use it and everything I read and hear about it. That machine is for people who had their knees replaced with pure titanium electrically-assisted piston machines designed for nuclear plant use. I do 4 cycles on…

mm yes but for me, the best is the giant framed version of that horrible photo of them from instagram overseeing the cluster of water bottles

right on! i loved this song when i was twenty and just moved to the big city to start my life. so many good memories of not being beaten this far down.

Azure wish these jokes would end.

? Yeah that’s what I meant by “I want to try the Impossible Burger, I want to try the heme!” I’ve had the Beyond Meat burger many times, since it’s the only thing I’ve been able to find here in Canada.

I really want to try the Impossible Burger but it seems like Canada has gone all-in with the Beyond Meat stuff and we won’t be getting it here. I wanted to try the heme! The BM burger is fine (i’ve only had the A&W version) but the only place i’ve seen the Impossible stuff is at Fortino’s and for 11.99 for two…