Phrasing!!!

Yeah, it definitely didn't get first or even second level billing on the main page.

I think that's why it actually worked, because whenever CJ was talking, you were lucky to make out even half of the dialogue that actually mattered. I'm surprised it took Jake that long to finally crack.

It depresses the hell out of me that of those seven cities listed, I grew up in one and have lived in three others, all during times when they were reliably blue. WTF happened? I should note that during this last election, my second-tier southern city went with Hillary and went primarily blue overall in voting…which…

I doubt that, he seems like an insufferable douche.

That is the one thing I took solace in when I lived there. When the shit hits the fan, I'm gonna be vaporized before the air raid sirens even sound. Now I'm wasting away in a second-tier southern city and know that when the bombs start dropping, I'm gonna die of radiation poisoning. So much for the easy way out!!

Damn, that's perfect. And if he could pair the band names up with even more ridiculous NYC club names…

You. Are. The. Best.

I was pleasantly surprised that I remembered any of these bands' names, but the one that did make me spew was Fartbarf. And a manifesto!!! Damn I needed a good laugh today.

Just cum on the bars, not the stars. That would be unpatriotic.

Can I get a hug?

OK, seriously. Can we just not have any bad news on Monday and stick with the random trivia and news that I actually look forward to? Like, how about the take on what film made the most money this weekend? That is snark I'm acceptable with.

"The GOP has been trafficking in stochastic terrorism for a while now, but it's gotten exponentially worse. There needs to be actual consequences."

Considering that I think paper cuts on my dick would be wicked bad, I'm all for it.

I forgot that we weren't talking about Dave Foley…

Frank Stallone, naturally.

Thanks for that reminder. Back to your hole.

Damn. I could only hope that they'd be paired at some non-hosting gig next year. I want to see it just so we can all revel in them tearing each other down before "announcing the winner".

A roller coaster I don't want to get off of!!!

I watched Rogan's standup show on Netflix last week, and while he is out there, I was kinda surprised that it didn't suck. If anything, it made me want NewsRadio to have lasted at least 10 seasons (also that Phil Hartman was still alive, but we can't have nice things ya know).