Look, they said they had juiced balls. I went to talk to them, but we ended up talking about Russian orphans. That’s it. I swear.

I have no idea what’s going on here, but Magic Johnson looks really upset.

Bet he gets along great with Goose Gossage.

So those Brazilian soccer players in the shower were providing DNA samples for testing?

$170 million over four years. To put it another way, Harden will finally have a nickel for every time he claims to be fouled.

I was the second born out of five. My mother paid attention to me until I was weened from her teat. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t remember my name.

I hate people who call them rescues like they are some kind of war hero. You walked into a room and picked out a dog. It didn’t involve Blackhawk choppers or Seal Team 6. Congratulations, you did something literally every other person on the planet can do, so STFU about it already.

It’s almost as if God is angry at the Mets for giving a total fraud a spot in the minor league system.

But hey, getting rid of Daniel Murphy made a lot of sense.

Great, now I have to agree with Angel Hernandez on something. This sucks.

What pisses me off most about President Dipshit inserting himself in this story is that per his proposed healthcare reform, the children suffering like that here at home would be left to die while their parents are saddled with a copious amount of medical debt.

You are aware that boxers are commonly referred to as “fighters” and a boxing match is typically referred to as a “fight,” correct? And even technical or defensive boxers are known as “technical fighters” or “defensive fighters.” And he’s 49-0. If Laura had called him one of the greatest knockout artists or sluggers,…

They should go cut-rate on his replacement like they do their relievers and bring in a platoon of Jhonny Peralta and Pablo Sandoval to play shortstop and steal four bases in 3 millennia.

Yeah man, I prefer to get all of my edgy badass commentary from the comment section of Deadspin

Yeah, I’m totally focused on what’s underneath her, too!

Hell, if she wanted to be in a better place she could have driven 5 miles in any direction.

There’s really nothing remarkable here. Lots of athletes take time out of their schedule to visit retarded children.

Yeah, two hall-of-famers added to a championship contender would be good. And also totally get GSW off the hot-take hook for stacking.

I’m genuinely sorry if his response offended you.

Yet you’re still dedicated enough to read and comment. Look at you!