The twist is that the author of this e-mail was Tyler the entire time (spoiler alert).

evidently, you had no party to go to last night, and unfortunately, will have even less in the future.

Come on — they'll both have a good laugh about this at the I-bank in 5 years after they've just closed the big merger that will put 16,000 people out of work....

Before I start, let me say I was a server for a decade, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for all service employees. But this story has become legendary in my family, so: Mr. Tigger and I moved for his job from the East Bay Area in CA to Austin, Texas. On our first date night after moving, we went out to…

With all due respect to Alton Brown, that really doesn't look appealing. At any of the stages.

NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND!

I would have expected him to be wearing a Red Sox cap, what with everyone getting B-headed.

I can pinpoint when I turned sour on him: When he turned 'The Karate Kid' into a vehicle for his weird, spoiled kid.

Makes me hungry for a real slice of pizza.

Jorge Luis Lopez, a lobbyist and lawyer for the Heat, "We're not just going to take what the county tells us and have them raise our rates."

All of these things are fair and rational requests to make. Can't see any reason anyone would have a problem with any of them.

Unfortunately for UW enrollment, a life of living in a van while eating cheese is actually the ideal dream of 90% of Milwaukee residents.

It would be a hell of a catch if you guys can secure it.

Oh my God, I had to keep skipping ahead.

It should still be better than Adrian Peterson's star turn in Honey, I Whipped the Kids.

It has black people in it? This is definitely getting a Best Picture nomination next year.

The three videos the plaintiff has seen do not show a rape but intimate (she alleges) forced sexual contact is about to occur. The other nine, if they exist, may show sexual activity, but no one knows. Interesting that a defendant's attorney acknowledged the possible existence of video evidence...

If I was AP and my agent did some dumb stuff like this, I'd be switching my agent.

Guys with tribal tattoos and Bluetooth headsets are douchebags. This guy is just a worthless piece of shit.

We can only assume that the NFL gave ESPN some sort of "stand down" order. #Ballghazi