+1 wife. Take her. Seriously. Please.

Yeah I got injury problems that’s the human in me

“I’ve kicked a lot of balls over the years. I’m not reinventing the wheel.”

+1 non-renewed GQ contract

sentient house arrest anklet stuffed into an empty Iron City bottle Ben Roethlisberger

+1 reader satisfaction survey 

“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a selfish NCAA athlete to enter the kingdom of God.”

+1 Respected Troop

Sources say that Hugh Freeze left the hospital with an escort so I’m sure he’ll be fine.

Normally I love Lauren’s writing, but much like Kenneth I will not stand by while she besmirches the good name of everyone’s favorite two sport athlete, Drevid Breese.

One can only assume, therefore, that they’ve all had their buttholes fingered.

At first I was going to savage Greenwell for not remembering Jim Corsi because he had two distinct stints with the A's and then I realized I'd combined Corsi and Jim Mecir into one über-Guy.

Frankly I can’t wait for the thrilling debate over whether it’s better to take a 1-run lead from a scrappy rally promoting hit and run or a 2-run lead from a GLORY BOY home run.

Another rust-belt city breathes a sigh of relief before hastily adding “It could be worse though at least we’re not Detroit! We’re Not Detroit!”

+1 editorial vacancy

Don’t disrespect the Maitland Tiburon like that

Everyone loves a Roughrider

The non-vulture-infested houses cost extra

Chuck Tingle is hard at work on Pounded in the Ass (and Blasted in The Dick and Balls) by Draymond Green so it's too late. 

Bonus points if it's a derogatory term spelled wrong.