There’s truly a riff for every occasion.

What, did she spell it phonetically in her books?

Why can’t they swim? They can run, swing swords, etc. At worst, can’t they just World War Z (book, not film) their way across the floor of the ocean/river, etc.?

knee, not shin. I bet you’d hurt your shin on face.

Just carry knitting needles.

?

Album drop = good.

That’s right, the only way to dismantle the patriarchy is to become the patriarchy. - Madisen Sheev Palpatine.

The spin on this would just be that it was necessary and Twitter is quicker. He’d be just told to say that the situation is worsening so we need someone even “tougher.”

The hell is going on in the background of the lawyer pic? Is that a framed photo of a nun? And what is “jurisprudential therapy”?

Hands up - who here is a regular MB shoppah?

Gif game def on point.

These people don’t know. But you know. (Also, rotisserie chicken.)

I’m a teacher. I’d rather not hear you brag about what you’ve done for public education.

If you live so close to struggling schools, what are you doing to help your community?

Your admiration matters nothing to me. Please explain why sugar water is the only thing you are interested in taxing.

Fucking A.

Being Jewish is essentially the same thing as being an Atheist? Put that on a tee shirt and see what develops.

“I have known people that pretend that they have no control over their weight, but they go to the all you can eat buffet and fill up on fried food, sweetened food, greasy starchy food, and never touch a vegetable. Then they wash it down with glasses of soda.”