Marriages grow stale. You have to spice them up.

I’m still waking up, so when I read this post I thought it said ‘felching abilities’ and almost dropped my coffee.

“I’m afraid it has greatly diminished his fetching abili-”

brown chicken brown cow.

Have you ever heard a sucker referred to as “a luke” or “a matthew” before? No, didn’t think so.

+1 card attached would say “thank you for being a friend”

Keep digging the hole you’re in and you’re going to hit China-America.

I mean, it’s not really abuse from Ivy Leaguers if it comes from people who go to Cornell.