So true. Also: no shame in going to community college and transferring. You will save a fuckton of money.

This isn't good. Kellen Winslow was supposed to pick him up at the airport and now he'll just be sitting in his car...waiting. Whatever will he do with his time.

This is just ludicrous. I absolutely cannot believe that Geno Smith was intercepted before coming anywhere near a touchdow—

[Receives vicious blindside hit from Standards]
[Blacks out; fumbles joke]
[Spends rest of life feeling cloudy, with a sensitivity to light, GIF-related humor]

Well shit, Barry, you really shouldn't be allowed to draft the commissioner. That seems unfair.

Guys, opening this up to Deadspin readers really makes a mockery of the process. I hope you're pleased with yourselves; you're clearly just doing this for the attention.