Anything other than a lightly-used sedan or small CUV made between 2010 and now.

No “specialty” vehicles. No sports cars, sport compacts, off-road-focused SUVs. They will wreck it. “But I taught them how to—” Nope, stop right there. They will wreck it. Listen to my words. It’s not a question of if, nor a judgement on…

I get fucking sick of being described as a fucking “radical”, when people of all fucking political stripes use worse fucking language all the time. Fucking hypocrite ass motherfuckers. Not to mention that policies like “healthcare as a fucking human right” and “don’t separate the fucking children from their fucking…

But seriously, impeach that motherfucker.

“Your honor, I’d like to turn your attention to Exhibit C fas the most damning evidence of collusion amongst NFL owners towards my client - a signed contract between the Oakland Raiders and Nathan Peterman!”

Somewhere, Kaepernick’s lawyers are high-fiving.

I thought we had our chance to get rid of this kind of incompetence at the midterms. WTF, America.

OH GREAT, another berth. Just what the Rivers household needs!

You’d be amazed. Raiders fans travel well, thanks to the massive bus fleet owned by the California Department of Corrections.

The carpet should match the coach:

“nobody wants to hear that.”

It was into the third quarter by the time we got to the logistics of actually even getting the X-rays, and then they were less than readable.” The reason? “It was probably a dated piece of equipment, or what have you,” Tomlin said.

My absolute favorites are the ‘professionals’ who, when asked why there are no seasonings in or on the food, say stupid shit like “I didn’t want to take away from the natural flavors of the main ingredients.”

Yes, Chris. We all know that guy. But looking objectively, the guy is a marginal NFL quarterback under the best circumstances. Yeah, sure, he had some success and even pulled off some heroics in the playoffs, when it counts the most. But he comes with so much baggage - the kneeling, the outsized media attention, the…

We need to understand that the Bill of Rights isn’t some steadfast monolith which dispenses freedom to all around, it is an intruder alarm to guard freedom— a string of cans lain at the perimeter meant to clang and rattle and make the people aware when someone attempts to incur tyranny against liberty.

The idiots who still support Trump will continue to slurp up his bullshit. They are a lost cause, need to be written off and deserve all the scorn and ridicule they can get.

I’ve been thinking about the idea that the press corps should just boycott the briefings in solidarity...but the problem is that Trump would love it and it would do nobody any good.  Instead, the rest of the press corps just needs to actually do their jobs and stop being so damned polite.  They need to push and push…

BBC is known for pounding its subjects hard and at great length

Hey restaurant owners: live music is never a good idea if you’re not exclusively a bar. And if you charge me a cover because a band I didn’t know was going to be there starts playing half an hour after I sit down, I’ll find you, get your daughter to fall in love with me, marry her, then convince her to put you in an…

We’ve now officially reached the “NFL owner talks to the Hollywood Reporter about the President’s criticism of how said NFL team handles its players” chapter of “The Downfall of American Democracy.”

My personal favorite was: