Spoken just like a douchebag biker who’s gonna end up in the ER someday due to his own stupidity.

“What do you think of Brandon Weeden’s leadership skills as opposed to Tony Romo?

I have really weird body dimensions when it comes to finding dress shirts that fit properly and I would rock the fuck out of a dress shirt onesie.

“Whenever we get Ben and Jerry’s or Häagen Dazs, my girlfriend takes three (sometimes four) weeks to eat hers. At what point am I justified in eating the rest? I say one week.”

It depends. In NJ? Maybe.

I will never get tired of that gif.

Uber: Find Out Why Your Mom Was Right About Getting Into Cars With Strangers!

Also, just like there are people who would be great drummers that have no passion for music or people who would be excellent mathematicians who don’t want to work in the sciences, there’s gotta be a number of people who could be great quarterbacks who just have no interest in playing.

Yep, I heard he’s #2 as well.

I was gonna say. Hasn’t Ralphie May’s Jon Gruden Impression been on the chopping block for like two years now?

I’ll tell you this. If the punishment and fix for being a child molester is baling hay for a few weeks and talking about Jesus, I need to get in on this Jesus thing. I’ll talk the FUCK out of some Jesus and bale some hay to rob a bank.

Great way to raise a domestic/child abuser, a violent powder keg or a broken doormat, though.

Yep. I made whatever choice was right for me. Not that hard.

Nope. Sorry. They’re weak. Period.

“...social constructs that have the potential to make it really difficult to be honest with themselves...”

If you’re weak and succumb to this bullshit “pressure,” that’s on you.

And right on time, we get the three pro-frat mongos:

I don’t know how you square having paid professional child-keepers and cleaning staff with speaking unironically about splitting and allocating housework.

*Jersey fist bump*

I don’t see them encouraging shitty customer behavior to the actual workers. I see them pointing out a way to scam a company, (which is kinda in a hazy area, legally, no?) which is not something teenagers really need help in figuring out how to do. Kids start figuring out how to cheat the system at the age of, like, 2.