WYTS: How I have missed you. Also:

Gabe, your summary is fine, but the transcript really deserves to be read in its entirety.

In true Dead Letters fashion, the caller ended his rant, “And you better believe I’m calling with a Samsung Galaxy S8+ on Verizon, motherfuckers.”

I feel bad for the whores at the visitor station.  Do you staff up or leave staffing as-is for invasion day?  

The best eggs Benedict I’ve ever had was made with fresh Dungeness crab, but I can definitely get behind salmon (fresh or smoked) Benedict.

The stylist I grew up going to at a salon also cut my parents’ hair (both before and after their divorce), my sister’s hair and a few of my mom’s friends’ hair. She left that salon and opened up her own salon; my family followed (I had left the house/city by then). She eventually stopped cutting hair altogether to run…

Trout is also a great addition to any breakfast plate. 

You write so well. Thanks.

Robots can never match human umpires in the key skills of holding grudges and feuding.

Probably because people like me click on clickbaity articles and are all “wtf is this?... oh. interesting.. hehehehe. this is a dumpster fire... oh hella funny dumpster fire.”

I posit that participating in a fighting game tournament and “behaving in an adult manner” [sic] are pretty mutually exclusive.

By far the best part of every installment. The default phone signature arms race is peaking in 2019.

Holy shit.

Man, these guys really won’t defend anything.

If someone kills Steve Harvey and replaces him with Kenan, I feel like we could all just go with it, pretend like nothing happened and not say anything.

I’m glad we can take this moment to reinforce the truth that Keenan Thompson... is good.

It’s a lawless zone where social norms can touch you. I’d go as far as to say that the elusive pre-9am, pre-vacation beer is one of the more Elite Beers in existence.

This probably isn’t even a question. But is there a worst decision than trying to sleep next to your kid? They are 2000 degree pinwheels that make odd noises and twitch nonstop while driving their tiny feet in to your sides.

This is the dumbest take. 

I know a lot of people are going to take satisfaction and glee from this because of Marchand’s previous actions. But keep in mind.... just kidding, fuck that guy.