“I’m very sorry you all have to go through this” is the funniest thing I have ever read ever. 

I remember the days when you’d go into a Papa John’s and Papa John himself would be standing there, with your pizza and a little racist speech prepared for you.

Going to the mat for the rich pizza man because my life is good and I am mentally stable.

One time in HS a girl asked to borrow a pencil so I threw it to her and it bounced, eraser end down, on her desk then up directly into her eyeball.

It’s like someone banging on a regular stall screaming “How big is your shit?! Can you hold it?! My shit is more urgent and robust than your pathetic feces!” 

Handicap stalls are not handicap parking spots. If I have to take a shit and that’s the only available stall it’s getting used. #sorrynotsorry

Yeah the handicapped guy was being a dick. The point of a handicapped stall is not that it is reserved solely for people with disabilities, but that the handicapped have a place where they can comfortably manage themselves on the toilet. I’ve had to wait for a stall before, and there is no reason a handicapped person…

This...this is an amazing level of dedication to hide a normal biological function, hahahaha.

I bet that dress code isn’t gendered. They probably can’t stop you from wearing a summer dress if women are able to wear them. Go for it!

The better question is why do people who love Shenmue feel like they need another Shenmue over just playing Yakuza and wanting more of that or spin-offs of that.

Wintergreen is the only acceptable answer to number 1.

Hey Jason, I work for the blog “Totally Real, Send Us Free Shit”. We humbly request a few review copies of your book “BLOOD, SWEAT, AND PIXELS”. If you send us at least one, we will gladly write a piece on it. If you send us a few more, we will create a YouTube video summarizing and reviewing your book.

Go clean your room, virgin!

Since I think he’s a closeted psychopath, I think he might end up purchasing literal dolphins to strip them of their parts.

The Malik McDowell pick is a hilarious exercise in “when trading down goes wrong.” Here’s the timeline, I think:

You know, I always thought Hooters was a bad gig. You literally could not pay me enough to participate in nonconsensual public BDSM with a Seahawks fan in a Heart Attack Grill.

Fell off a bathroom counter when I was 10 because I was trying to see what my asshole looked like. 

I’d advise using this simple formula for assessing the situation:

Counterpoint: Compared to the flaming garbage I see on the rest of the internet every day this discussion struck me as downright charming, actually. These guys are far from “the worst” and in fact seem perfectly fine.

Oh my fucking God. Dude, ask your wife what she’s comfortable with. If she says it’s fine and everything can be handled, then go and have a nice weekend relaxing before an incredibly busy (but rewarding) period of your life. If she says she’s uncomfortable with you going, then stay the fuck home. This shit isn’t hard.…