A piece of entertainment technology so bland and retrograde that no American teenager would be able to spend more than four minutes using one before begging to be taken home so they can go back to playing Fortnite.

Deadspin reached out to Rainwater for further comment, and we will update this post if she writes back.

While I’m rooting for you, I was clinging to a very similar hope after getting similar advice when my son was closing in on 8 weeks. For my wife and I it was more like Week 12 or 13 when it started getting less awful.  We were pretty annoyed at everyone who shared the “it gets better” mantra with what proved to be an…

Because Edgar Martinez was a zillion times the hitter Harold Baines was and he’s not in.  

I suppose if you were facing the relentlessly mediocre White Sox of the 1980s, you’d rather face anyone else in their sad little lineup.  

You know damn well her name was Samantha Fox and you know damn well she existed so kids (you) could jerk off watching MTV.

You’d have to send Kaepernick to Jacksonville just to make MAGA heads explode. Jacksonville had the highest Trump vote share of any NFL market by a pretty wide margin (over Indy and Dallas).  

What’s his Barstool comment handle?  

This is literally the same trash take every thug and internet hockey tough guy spews every single time. “Keep your head up, don’t admire your pass, otherwise it’s perfectly reasonable to decapitate you when the puck is 50 feet away.”

Two of baseball’s best three or four teams are in the AL East, and while I have mixed feelings about the existence of the wild card, the second wild card fixed a lot of those problems. Because of the play-in game, the race for this division actually matters. And it’s going to be a good one.

Same. I’m almost 39 years old and have been double-spacing for my entire life because that’s what was taught on the word processing software in middle school. If future generations don’t learn this way, that’s great, but there’s no way I’m breaking the muscle memory I’ve developed in 27+ years of typing. My right…

She’ll always be “Schmoopie” from the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld.

“With four minutes left, I had to run to Penn Station to catch the last train back to Philadelphia. The transit gods didn’t want me to see Rutgers basketball’s biggest-ever Big Ten moment. It was a shame, but also somehow it fit.”

Counterpoint - find one of the many bars without TVs and go there.

Are the announcers locked in a stairwell?

Brian Windhorst had some serious ground to make up on his “LeBron” count, but if/when LeBron has another summer of free agency, Windhorst will set the bar awfully high.

With the immortal Ken Mastrole zinging the ball around. Or Randall Jones running out of bounds against Virginia.

I’m excited about the Yankees this year for the first time in a while, but I’m also waiting for two consecutive days without rain before I go to the Stadium. The weather in the northeast this spring has been miserable.

On a $425.15 bill, Jimmy only left a $65 tip, which comes out to 15.3%.

He’ll also probably do that thing where he starts to limp as soon as he has his serve broken.