Today I am dismissing my lawsuit against Whole Foods Market. The company did nothing wrong. I was wrong to pursue this matter and use the media to perpetuate this story. I want to apologize to Whole Foods and its team members for questioning the company’s commitment to its values, and especially the bakery associate…

Almost none of these mosquitoes are even here legally. If Obama started deporting mosquitoes like the Constitution says he has to, we wouldn’t have this Zika problem. I love legal insects more than anyone (the best proboscis is Trump Tower) but we need to build a giant spiderweb across the Mexican border before our…

Basically this.

Guarantee that K-Stew is not in ‘the best movie ever made’. Can people ever bring hyperbole on the internet down to a less ridiculous level?

I hope they give the Katie Holmes character some genuine dimensionality. Sorry but I’m not fooled by the innocent lamb pose, swallowed whole by the commentariat. After even the most superficial googling of Scientology, Tom, or Nicole — what bride-to-be would have imagined she was entering a “normal” marriage? Nobody…

Not gonna lie, when I saw the header pic, I thought the bus was somehow powered by their cycling, some sort of ultra green bus.

Have you ever seen those party bike things? It's like a ten person thing where everyone has pedals and there's a bartender in the middle. Everyone has to pedal to get around while they get drunk! It's equal parts ridiculous and hilarious. I've never been on one but have seen them going down the street in Santa Monica…

boldly going where most men think they have been but were really like an inch to the right before.

What kind of sick fucking religion would deny someone healthcare? Birth control is just a pill, yeah it can be used as contraception but it has a lot of other medically recognized uses like alleviating mind numbing period cramps.

I love when people use condoms as an excuse
“why do they need the pill covered? Just use condoms! Condoms are everywhere!”

But no one says
“Why do they need Viagra covered? Just tape a stick to your junk! Sticks are everywhere!”

it was unfair to religious nonprofits who might object to the concept of birth control

What the hell are you talking about? They’re talking about men with cancer and veterans who had their junk blown off in combat and other people who have been in disfiguring accidents. Not dudes who were injured by an attempted assault victim.

Some surgeries go awry.

The only kind of people who would take the time to even make it an issue and complain to the studio would be Very Concerned Prudes with lots of time on their hands (and possibly bibles still lodged up their asses). The fact that someone even takes it upon themselves to play modesty police and whine to a company about…

I thought that dress was an odd choice because it seemed more cocktail than meteorologist, but not because her scandalous shoulders were showing.

Why is it terrible? Do you commute more than 15 minutes a day in or around a city of more than 800k? It’s hellish mindbending exercise in loosing faith in mankind. Took 2 hours to go 40 miles on Fri solely because of a rash of fender benders, congestion, and the “I have to get 3 car lengths ahead RIGHT NOW in this…

I’m surprised it didn’t also require “2-5 years experience in the field”.

All my hormones just dried right up after reading that. Like, I don’t even need menopause. It’s like you just made me go through commentopause.

“1) Build a relationship with Mark Cuban and earn his respect.” - DUDE, you are on the wrong show.

I feel like Mark Cuban might want to put in a casual call to his legal team re: his incredibly creepy new stalker.