My college roommate picked up a free, fully-functioning Wurlitzer Orbit III organ off of Craigslist. Guy was giving it away for the exact reasons described in this article. It had an onboard drum machine and was tons of fun to play. Go get ya spouse an organ.

“Two nuts walked into a bar. Both were assaulted by a current NBA basketball player.

“All I’m gonna do is write essays,” Jefferson said. “I don’t know what they’re going to be. They might be erotic. I don’t know. But I’m just going to write lots of essays.”

“YUNGOOS used XENOPHOBIA! It’s super effective!”

Here’s some suggestions for awards and nominees:

The condo owners built the fence so they wouldn’t have to watch the Browns practice. It’s a quality of life issue.

Barbara Morgenstern rules. Continuing the “inevitable destruction” theme, here’s her ditty about mass redevelopment in Berlin:

Yeah, but it helps kids fail faster.

5:30am is now known as “Rock O’Clock.”

I’m glad Dr. Steve Brule made it out alive.

Careful, Sam. If Deadspin keeps posting dank cricket highlights they’re gonna come under NYPD investigation.

Judging from his resignation letter, Hinkie will be a great asset to whatever blog decides to hire him.

I’m not surprised it’s 13 pages. Have you ever tried to print an Excel spreadsheet?

Now I know why Geraldo decided not to cosplay as Cam Newton on Dancing With the Stars.

+1 payday loan

That’s a Norwich classic. On the ball, City!

I’m guessing the Mets are sending him to rehab for booze before he goes full Sabathia.

You could also use this gif in a Cleveland Browns season preview article.

Somebody needs to confirm Robert Swift’s whereabouts.

Footwork on Deadspin! My favorite DJ Rashad track: