... Those both sound goddamn delicious.

This is true, but good luck finding them. Guinness has widespread availability enough to be found in the average bar. Plus, even though there are better out there, it is still Pretty Darned Good.

Well, you can worry about the critters, right? I mean, the poor kitties! It isn’t easy to find foster homes for dozens of fuzzies all at once...

It has been my experience that supremacist assholes are very seldom happy people.

My father’s old Datsun B210 had a few quirks, but they were all self-inflicted, as it were. When the ignition key mechanism broke, he just began starting his car with a screwdriver. When the whole thing broke, he just rewired it to a set of toggle switches on the dash.

Saw the title of this article.

My dear old Gran’ma once told me “Stir biscuits as if each stroke takes a year off your life.” And damn if it doesn’t work.

That third one looks like a Limbo variant...

You left out ‘Peeing with the force of a thousand majestic stallions’.

Never heard of Air Brakes?

Obligatory:

Aww... No mention of Fox and Mandy’s Zootopia stuff?

As for rubbing spicy things on one’s ballsack, that is a general life advice sort of thing. Sort of mistake you make only once.

My first and thankfully only personal experience with the little assholes was at a different hotel. I was awoken to JESUSBLOODYFUCKINGSPUTNIKFELCHINGCHRIST. Apparently, out of all the bedbugs in the world, I got a gourmet with a taste for sweet, delicious scrotum.

Yes. Do not rub on ballsack to deter bites. You will have a bad time.

Ehh.. not quite that absurd, but they’re pretty damn hardy.

Nope. Bedbugs DGAF. They will stop at nothing for the chance at sinking their proboscis into your delicious nutsack.

Unfortunately not really an option for hotels. Same with Borax-based remedies. Trust me on this, people freak out when they see strange powders in their rooms.

A-1 Steak Sauce can also rescue a bad steak.

Wait... that’s... beef?