Three Cut for Time sketches, two of which were almost six minutes:

I got rid of Facebook when I realized I was only use it to communicate with people I didn’t want to talk to.

Here’s hoping it’s a fad, really...

“I’m released from my contract!!!”

What if he died on the toilet while Russian hookers urinated on him?  Would he still be a right-wing martyr then?

At this point, I’ll take whatever I can get. Death, impeachment, prison, just falling down stairs until he breaks all his limbs...

The following is a quote from Variety’s review of the 2003 film Party Monster, which chronicled the club kids scene of the 80s and early 90s (and real-life demise of a core group of them). Back then they dresssed much the same as this bunch and monetized their hustle through club promotion and drug dealing; it seems…

Or more precisely, I was thinking King was... influenced by Burnt Offerings.

No comments there! That was half the fun of Funbag!

As someone who abused opiates daily all through the 90s and early aughts, I can tell you this: it explains the devotion to Activia.

the topic Splintered from there

She was also kidnapped by terrorists and found out that her husband had been lying to her about his job for decades. That’s got to be hard to process.

Stick to cats!

A lot of it probably stems from her estranged brother murdering several of her friends and attacking her on Halloween night when she was still in high school

Doesn’t this belong on Deadspin? Oh...

Man, black cats are the best. I appreciate any opportunity to share my beautiful little gremlin with the world. Heres Dahlia...she doesn’t much care for football but would make a killer table tennis player.

As a Gawker refugee who decamped to Deadspin despite only a passing interest in sports, this content speaks to me. Thank you. 

“Because no one wants to see the weak and powerless made fun of.” 

You get that this is making fun of Mr. Burns for being evil, right?  He is literally punching down, and showing what a terrible person he is.  If you’re laughing at the Irishman, you didn’t get the joke.

Punching up is funny. Making the powerful look like fools is OK because they’ll still be powerful when the show is over.