it's amazing how much guys of reilly's era—the crossover era from print to digital—haven't internalized the following simple fact:

an old assistant of mine had previously been an intern at seagal's old prod co. while there, seagal attempted to rape her (with bodyguards outside his room at the peninsula making sure she couldn't leave). he was too drunk and couldn't get it up, but because her parents were real tough democratic politicos from…

karma: the concept that 6 million jews had it coming.

i have spent the past week here in NYC meeting with players of all stripes, ex-greats, hall-of-famers, less famous ex-pros, one year and out guys and so on. and i'm putting something together that will not be friendly in particular to our friends at the NFL. it takes, on average, about 8 seconds before all of these…

and for one millionth of a second, this stupid non-sport performed by non-athletes was interesting. now it returns to being like paint drying mixed with grass growing.

enough. you need to stop.

"hide my guns" "where's my weed" "throw me the football"

russians are the scariest white people.

while the kicking in the mouth thing could be read as funny, the piss-in-the-mouth thing comes out of left field, has no relationship to the thread(bare) comedy on display (douches do not, in fact, involve pissing of any sort from what i'm told), and leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.

ray hudson is the quantum super-position of announcers, simultaneously holding states as the worst and the best commentator in the english language world.

jesus, you are like the A-Rod of douchetyping.

i would watch this sport where you type threatening things to a total stranger. wait...i AM watching this sport. it's called douchetyping, and you are in first place.

or, here's another version of the joke: who the fuck needs that type of weapon in a civilized society. what the hell is wrong with her, with us, with FLORIDA ALWAYS FUCKING FLORIDA.

hmmm, who was the chief executive of the rangers back then...guy has a funny name, it's like some sort of plant or something?
fern. that was his name. no, shrub. sorry, that's it either.

there is a special place in hell (*) for anyone who uses the term "activations" un-ironically.

the offseason problem was massive, singular, and stupid: they really thought that gareth bale was going to be sold to them. that meant that a) they thought they were more attractive to play for than Real Madrid and b) that daniel levy would EVER do business with them for bale, something he clearly wasn't going to…

tom house, after whom the eponymously titled "house" is named, is also responsible for inventing the domecile, or the indoor version thereof post-cave.

+1. see, if you look close here on kinja, YOU WILL NOTE THE FUCKING STAR BUTTON WHICH IS FUNCTIONALLY A PLUS ONE.

(Scene takes place at Deadspin reader's basement. Cheeto stains cover keyboard, as slightly fat fingers hunt and peck to create comment)

THIS is the time for American Exceptionalism. UNLEASH THE HOUNDS: