I also forgot to note how eloquently he blamed the Tailhook scandal on the women who were assaulted. There wouldn't be any sexual harassment or assault in the military if there were no girlies around to get feisty with!

Holy shit. This is a thing of beauty. I can't even decide what my favorite part is. He starts off with spelling errors (top notch effort on an op-ed there), his idea of a nefarious liberal plot is something that, were it true, would be completely reasonable, and by the time he gets to "nubile," his boner is basically…

The first movie had a lot of very subtle details that made it seem real, too (ridiculous action scenes aside). One that stands out in my memory is the scene right after the jumper, when Murtaugh drags Riggs into some storefront that's under construction to yell at him. Murtaugh goes to slam the door, but it's on a two…

Antonio Mendoza would like an enchilada!!

Paging Space Pope.

That's a distressingly measured response to someone who just instructed you to start wars.

You want to be in the union, you've got to know how to lay pipe.

Antonio Mendoza would like an enchilada!!

Hey, you know how we made that one movie that one time that was funny and super popular and now, many years later, all the most annoying people you know won't stop quoting it all the fucking time? We're going to do the movie version of that worn out collection of quotes you're all sick of.

Axl Grows…

Patrick Stewart or JK Simmons a la Portal 2. I'd love to hear everything said with that booming, absurd pomposity those guys do so well.

What you say!!

Like the scene from one of the early seasons of Breaking Bad where Walt is telling Walt Jr how much better Steely Dan is than any current band.

If the original Broadway production of Rent was even 1% as shitty as the movie, then "foolish" isn't the word I'd use to describe my feelings about missing it.

Of course. That's why we haven't heard from Sean Penn in 30 years.

Great job, Great Job, Internet!

So, your mother and I were struggling with whether or not to tell you this, but you weren't exactly part of the plan. Y'know?

I liked "Right lane must right left," not just because of the nonsensical almost-profundity of it, but also because it's not a handmade sharpie-on-cardboard sign, it's a professionally manufactured and installed screw-up.

Sure, but it's awfully short sighted to try to demand perfect racial parity in gun laws when what we should really be working toward is fewer gun deaths.

Well they'd all better stay off my lawn.