“It is impossible to talk about alcohol and not talk about sex.”

Your defensive end: Christ.

You could always go with the “they should trade for Aaron Rodgers!!” if you wanted. That seems like #gawkerrefugee talk.

Joe Namath — now there was a Jets quarterback!

Pshaww! That’s exactly what a chump would think! The Jets know that the QB is the most important man on the field, so they’re making the entire team out of QBs. It’s like making the whole plane out of the black box: Pure fucking genius!

Because we are Tikbalang inclusive. #notallhorsepeople

The massive amounts of money part means that Olympic medals in horse sports are only available to the subset of trust fund kids who made dressage their horse of choice instead of heroin.

Counterpoint:

I will stop disrespecting horse sports as soon as horse people stop getting hilariously bent out of shape about it. So, hopefully, never.

yes

Honest question: did you just read every third word of the article, or only half the headline? No one is shaming Marla, and she didn’t “choose” to do it, Trump was pressuring her to. Keep holding your breath about getting to see nude photos of her though.

“I won an Emmy for playing a woman dying of leukemia on L.A. Law, starring Harry Hamlin and Susan Dey.”

Ah yes, keyboard social justice warriors, stoking the flames of the horrid injustice of punishing people for raping unconscious women.

You know who would've loved this post? Gawker :(

Don’t be sad. Harambe would've wanted it this way. He loved low hanging fruit.

I once brought a carton of Munchkins In for my coworkers.

I mean, sure, who wouldn’t want to see that?* But in keeping with the story, it would have to be the coach stripping in protest, and now I can’t stop thinking about an incident involving Bela Karolyi.

A brawl by football fans in the Los Angeles Coliseum? Why that would be as unexpected as getting full after eating a large thanksgiving dinner.

I feel the same way about going to an NFL game as I do about going to Walmart.