My mistake - was nominated.

She won one for Closer.

That’s so funny, because I’ve always heard it the opposite way: Sons are yours until they find a wife, but a daughter’s a daughter for all your life.

It’s more expensive, but not really more time consuming. The renewals are even easier (just mail a photo, the paperwork and a check).

There’s a hot chocolate joke there somewhere. Probably. *Slinks off into a corner*

Especially since the security footage showed her hanging onto the balcony before she fell. They just took his word at face value.

Tell that to Clint Malarchuk.

As a server, I promise that in the grand scheme of all the things I’m trying to do, watching for a customer to take a bite is not one of them. I’m already balancing a thousand and one requests... I’m just trying to see if it’s a thousand and two and GTFO.

To be fair, there are a lot of rude-ass white people.

I really want to know what people like this think racism is. Like, as long as you don’t actually lynch someone, you’re not a racist? What’s the limit?

I was licked in the face by a customer on Saturday. After reading these, I will now stop complaining.

It's definitely a challenge making a 5 minute conversation (an eternity in the service industry!) into a blithe and funny comment. But seriously, if there was a camera present during said interaction, there would have been solid gold shots of me looking for said camera, so confused and bewildered.

PS, does my story get me out of the grays?

Nope. I tried to give him an out by saying I understood that smoked flavors could be similar. The gentleman was convinced that pork physically became ham in the smoker. He believed in Meat Alchemy, bless his heart.

I can die now that I've shared ham chop with the world. Pinkham, just made my DAY.

I'm 30 and my Catholic mother still thinks I'm a virgin.

Not that I think that you deserved the response you did (I don't), but if the worst insult you've ever gotten online is that your comment was boring, then you may take comfort in knowing you're doing extremely well at commenting.

Tom Hanks doesn't understand Chet Haze.

Whether he knows it or not, Mr. Al Franken and I have a little bit of history. The first time happened at the Uptown Lund's in Minneapolis, pre-Senator. I was minding my business when my little two-tiered basket cart was pushed to the side by my friend frantically trying to get out of a very angry looking Al Franken…

I did the same thing, with the scars to prove it. I tried to hide what I had done when my mom came to check on me, but bath water tinged pink from blood tends to raise some warning bells.