"well this is how paleolithic people ate!!!!"

"staying together for the kids" is always harder on the kids on the long run. Id rather my parents had separated and been happy, then to have had to listen to all the fighting and crying, and seeing them emotionally drained and unhappy all the time.

Hell, even my dog went "WTF?"

It seems pretty blatant that he's in an abusive relationship. Is it really selfish for not wanting to put up with further abuse? Doesn't the victim here deserve some consideration?

It's her responsibility to get the help she needs. Not that of the guy she has been abusing. You probably wouldn't tell an abused woman that she needs to make sure her husband gets mental help before leaving him. Switching the genders doesn't change anything else. It's safer for him to be away from her. He can…

I've seen these Riis photos a hundred times, but never realized until now that he'd captured the first TruckNutz.

I feel you there. I work for a home security monitoring company, and all we do at our location is monitor and dispatch on the signals we receive. we cannot connect to their individual alarm panels to do anything. I tell people this as soon as they ask me to turn off their alarm for them or tell them what their panel…

It was much easier to become a burger king, they were just giving the cardboard crowns away.

Look, it's a little hard not to take this personally.

But beware Maccarroni let Fey for even now seeks to burn all that you might eat.

Stomach explosion from infinite pasta will get him eventually. Personally, I earned my dukedom of Waffle House by defeating a cadre of ruffians that had been harassing the village. And by that I mean I yelled at some rowdy drunks and they quieted down.

Just because some saucy tart hurls a fork at you doesn't make you a king. It's not like some bint can come up out of a pool of duck sauce, fling chop sticks at you and make you emperor of PF Changs.

Dear god, I wonder if what they really meant is they can't count to three without using their fingers?

I'm glad you pointed this out.

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

The lady in the Olive Garden lake of marinara sauce has to choose you, then you have to pull a pasta fork from a block of extra hard cheese.

Isn't the entire point of a Long Island that the mixture of alcohols results in a drink that doesn't taste like alcohol?

I'm reluctant to condone an egging, but it seems justified in this case. My preferred method is coating the windshield with vaseline. It can't be driven until it's cleaned, but what a pain in the ass to try and get it removed. No lasting damage to the vehicle and the look on the cashier's face when you set down a…

It's St Patrick's Day guacamole.

THIS GUACAMOLE IS THE INCORRECT COLOR.