That singing voice - was she a Disney princess?

It's a totally natural cure for constipation! But it will give the runs....as in, runs away!!! AAaaAagh!

I'm confused. I thought the nurse was exhibiting the first symptoms of ebola, meaning that she was contagious. The nurse calls the CDC and they were like, "it can't possibly be ebola!," because hubris and 'Murrica. And the nurse is in denial and she goes with the CDC's take on the matter because she took all the…

Yep. It's the same ladies that say abortion is okay for me and my daughters, because we just made a mistake. As for the rest of you ladies? You are all whores that want abortion BOGO punchcards.

When my chinchilla had her wee babes, she chowed down on the placenta. I reached in to check the babies, and she was ready to take my hand off because she wanted that placenta! As soon as she was nomming it, she was totes cool with me checking the kiddies.

Ugh, he's not 420-friendly - I need that shit just to live in this godforsaken hellhole. Just let me know before you call in the airstrike.

Meh, he's just talking about all those folks to which he delivers his godly toothpaste. He just means that they don't try to run away anymore.

He only has one cage, y'know, and that's saved for his "muse." And he doesn't want to get his ass bit when he's choking you out.

She's peering into the uncanny valley, of course.

I'm going to steal "micromanaging raccoon" for my next screen name somewhere!!

Ooooh, the hellspawn! My hellspawn nephews were the reason no kids were allowed at our wedding. I had the funds to have a harpist and flutist perform, but I did not have the funds to replace that harp (or even flute) if it was destroyed. As a fluter myself, I wanted to be able to hear and enjoy that shit, not the…

I physically deflated when I read that line. All wind and tears. :'(

Extremely heart-breaking because both mother and daughter would have had a better family in the LGBTQ community. Y'know, a family with truly more open minds and hearts. And better bake sales, too.

Awww, all those poor women that get along with guys better than other women will be devastated to read this.

Well, it appears my allergies to soy and sesame seeds are finally paying off!

I read that in Butthead's voice.