Lookit Charlie standin over there with 3rd degree burns on him. Eating a muthafuckin FRANK.

Good for you, dear. No one gives a shit, this isn’t Jezebel.

Oh well, probably everyone here is a bunch of fucking Cubs and Cardinals fans

I’m beginning to think the NFL is more concerned with making money than it is in humanity’s collective quality of life.

Translator has been paged! Scoreboard!

2004, 2007, 2013 World Series champions.

I know that making low-hanging jokes is tempting, but I am rooting for the Dodgers in this game, and I am about 3000 miles away.

If the ball is in the stands, you have every right to “fight” the player for it. A more accurate description would be “Adrian Gonzalez Fights Fan After Fan Tries To Grab Souvenir.”

I’m so over email-gate. It's the most boring imaginary political scandal ever.

The lawyers did not name the substances for which Ramirez and Ortiz tested positive, the Times reported.

20? You’ll be 20 in about 4 years, hang tight, that ball rash will go away when you stop slapping the 4” thing against the bathroom tile. Edgar’s a footnote in a PCL AL division. Now wipe you chinny.

He does fine at first base. He’s no Gold Glove, but he plays the position just fine, with some pretty nice stretch catches to his credit.

Bonds indictment: “During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance-enhancing substances.”

But, but roids and 2 PSI! Because Boston teams crushed your flyover life.

David Ortiz will forever be one of my favorite players.

You’re beyond wrong, and he’ll be a first-rounder.

Cooperstown

This stunt couldn’t be more Republican if it were the corpse of Ronald Reagan.

Christ. The military doesn’t give a shit about the military.