Pete Carroll and John Schneider concluded their successful heist by hopping in their getaway car, jumping over a river, and running for the county line.

Listen, just because I don't want a former Buccaneer using the same bathroom as me doesn't mean I'm prejudiced. I'm just scared of getting MRSA, that's all.

Even George R. R. Martin looks at what Grigson did to Luck and says “damn, did you really have to torment him so much?”

That’s a great idea, but it’s getting awfully crowded up in those rafters.

And then the Colts get a PR win? Devious, and definitely plausible.

I think that this is a gamble that Luck might actually want to play again some day. If they burn bridges with him now, it would guarantee that he’d never come back as a Colt. This way, he just might.

“Forget what?" - Derek from Muncie, through a mouthful of half-chewed ground beef and cheese

I always refer to him as Handjob Bob but "Two Tugs" is pretty great too.

I don’t know why the MAGA-chuds suddenly came out of the woodwork on the Luke Walton piece (maybe it got linked at r/incels?) but I see you fighting the good fight in there. Probably not worth the effort, but props for standing up. 

Don’t you lazy, unwashed slackers have anything better to do than post on deadspin all day? 

[is disappointed when he learns that Clutch City is not a place where you can be connected with a woman that has a very strong grip]

Dani Mathers got charged, too: https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/former-playmate-dani-mathers-gets-probation-graffiti-cleanup-body-shaming-n764371

I bet many of them are surprised to find out that every pile of rocks they see goes all the way down to the bottom.

I did something with that too.

I can smell his MAGA hat from all the way out here in liberal, godless California.

“Hi, my name is, uh, Nat Limetart, and I’m very interested in this opportunity. Oh, and I’d also be interested in doing some coaching, too.”

That plus counting the number of strokes. 

This is one of the best things I have ever done, or ever will do: https://doorfliesopen.com/2016/09/10/one-more-down/

Yeah but at least Kirk is a nice guy.

“Did somebody say ‘toast’?” - Rod Minegar, raising a glass