Shit, you're right.

The handjob was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!

Now I’m imagining Peterman trying to point right back at you, but he ends up pointing at some other commenter instead.

“Would it be mandatory to wrestle other Congressmen?” - Dennis Hastert, eyeing some of the newest additions to the Congressional Page program.

While there are many parts of this story that are quite upsetting, there is one uplifting aspect: the fact that John Block sounds like an incredibly miserable man.

It’s cute that you think of yourself as being in the “dead middle”, yet come out of nowhere to dump on “members of the liberal party” and bemoan how “sissified our society is becoming” and then for seemingly no reason at all bring up the Republican Party’s current bete noire.

Well played!

“He’s not fat, actually, now that he’s grown to a height of 7'3".”

[remembers some horse]

Goddamnit, I knew I shouldn’t have put all my bitcoin holdings into the cryptocurrency exchange that horse was running.

He already had his physical. They’re still hunting for a doctor who is willing to throw his career into the toilet by publicly asserting that Hamberder Boy is in very good health and is totally not obese at all, thanks to the fact that he is now 6'7".

Given the upcoming outbreaks of diseases that were previous controlled by vaccination, becoming a germophobe hermit is actually a pretty prudent lifestyle choice these days.

In Asimov’s original “I, Robot” series there was a scene where the main character (who had never been outdoors) has a panic attack when he uses the bathroom at a witness’s residence and it’s a simulation of a pastoral setting.

I am sure that whoever installs the system will be instructed to set it on the “toddler” difficulty level. But even then he’ll probably still lie about it.

I wish I could double-star this, much like Steineke did to that Uber driver who was hesitant to let him inside his car for fear that an obviously hammered Steineke would puke everywhere.

This is a testament to both his laziness (he doesn’t even have the energy to walk to and from the cart anymore) and his physical decline (his delusions of his skill at golf are getting harder and harder to maintain in the real world). I think he’ll really enjoy a system that tells him his open-faced hack at the ball…

Seriously. It's getting to the point where they are going to have to lay down some ground rules about cleaning up your dirty dishes and make a chore wheel and stuff.

Are we sure McHale said “dickhead” and not “raghead”? Because based on this picture it's safe to assume that that word is definitely part of his vocabulary.

He was my favorite player when I was a kid. Sucks that his political antics have now tainted my memories of him fumbling the critical rebound that led to Magic Johnson’s fabled skyhook in Game 4 of the 1987 NBA Finals. Oh yeah, and you’ll never guess who was defending Magic on that play!

Hey now, the Raiders actually have a pretty decent track record of not employing players that abuse women.