I, for one, look forward to six hour long football games with 4 1/2 hours worth of commercials.

Somewhere, a Florida land developer fondly recalls the time he tortured Mark Brunell’s bank accounts to death.

This is the same man who cried about Tom Brady probably knowing that some footballs got fucked with.

Unless, of course, the NFL decides to give Davis a shitload of money for a new stadium in order to keep him pacified.

Losing Kobe, Peyton and Tiger potentially inside of a calendar year is depressing.

He does if he googles "haughty."

Christ, Harvard really is insufferable in every imaginable way.

This piece was so villainous. I’ll be sure to check in tomorrow for Drew’s heroic counterpoint.

How to become a Philly folk hero:

Byron Scott is still being stupid about D’Angelo Russell

I’m just going to leave this here....

Given his troubles in the playoffs, the Titans and Browns would be perfect for him.

Terrorist 1: [on walkie-talkie] “Can you confirm: are all 5 ‘big ones’ in place?”

Sorry you wasted your precious Internet clicks on this article.

We also talk about the end of Peyton Manning

Is that how you found out it was over?

I used to date a girl who was functionally deaf without her hearing aid, and she once admitted to me that she just turned the thing off around people she didn’t like.

I remarked to my girlfriend after she heard about this story that “if I ever get that kind of brain damage from anything, please, pull the plug. I don’t want to survive that.”

To which she said “if I found out you got brain damage after a night in a whorehouse, I’d gladly pull the plug.”

Doctor’s also report that he was able to remember to “Pass it to Kobe.”

Stern actually does live reads for “Squatty Potty” still, and he’s making 50-100 million a year.