I just want to hear Bruce Jenner say that he’s happy. As a kid who built a decathlon in our backyard and competed with my siblings to be Bruce Jenner, I hope he gets to be what makes him happy. He was amazing and defined athleticism and masculinity, so let him define what makes him completely whole.

Man, I try not to be That Atheist, but this kid literally died because someone had told his family and members of his community a bunch of fairy tales about demons and shit.

Dude wants a Fleshlight and some stress reliever balls.

Me (to my 2 year old): “you’re wonderful”

I’m let you finish, but John had the greatest baptism OF ALL TIME.

If you think the "Marinara Sandwich Guy" type is annoying in foodservice, imagine what it's like to have one at a bank.

Lmao right? The hate that Coachella gets is so over the top. "OMG people WEARING things, and they're wearing SIMILAR things, how DARE they?!?" I think a lot of the hate just comes from people who are jealous that they can't go out there.

Fuck you haters, I wish I could go to Coachella and be fashionable and bohemian as fuck.

Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope. For a destination.

The only way I can still get an erection is by thinking about my 401k.

In just a few short years, I’m going to love my teen the most I have ever loved him and he will hate me and that will just make me love him more and I will have my heart broken in the most beautiful way like when I was a teen myself.

I suspect I am still a teen, tbh.

SAY IT, SAY IT!

.

Do they still have midnight showings where people get high, dress up and throw things at the screen and recite dialogue? Because that’s what we did 35 years ago. I thought it had sort of faded.

If Hillary is the Democratic nominee, people better vote for her. I don’t care if you disagree with some of her policies. We all do. But don’t not vote, or vote for a third party candidate in protest. That would pretty much guarantee a Republican victory, a two-term presidency, and Republican-appointed Supreme Court…

This is what I think of every time I see comments shitting on the Kardashians for basically existing in plain view.

where is the naked in the hallway story with the generous asian man?

Our honeymoon was wonderful until our last night. It began as a lovely evening, we ate delicious food, drank entirely too many cocktails and retired to our hotel room around 2 am for some sexy time. We both passed out and the next thing I remember is being in an elevator on the fourth floor with the doors open. Our…