The little boy who digs up a mammoth skeleton in his yard should break his shovel in half, pack up his things, and proceed to live a quiet life indoors - comfortable in the knowledge that he will never have a more perfect day digging a hole.

You know who didn't stare and gaze at his home run blasts? Tim Tebow. Abe Lincoln too, for that matter.

You guys are such fucking tools. 10-1 game. He held his follow through for 2 fucking minutes and went all mvp juice Brett Boone. Fuck that guy. Hes a fucking nobody on a garbage team. He deserves to get drilled and he’s lucky he didn’t get his teammate drilled. But the entitled petulant children that write and comment…

Bring back Bowie!

Jay Cutler has zero chill.

Mike Tice will do it for a box of donuts and a carton of coffee.

“Actually I hate all of you. Why won’t anyone give Tebow a shot? He won a playoff game!” -God

In the Rising Stars comics there was a character with the ability to control only very small objects with her mind. She got recruited by the Government to be an assassin once they realized that meant she could squeeze people’s arteries shut.

As someone who puts so much vinegar on french fries they can be classed as a low-end chemical weapon, I approve.

The best was the director of the movie seemed to really enjoy the skit too. Jokingly saying on twitter “That’s exactly how it happened”.

Was Elton John’s “The Bitch Is Back” not available?

Because any 8 year old who gets up at that time is probably in military school. Duh.

Stop shaming the crochet crowd. Everybody knows it’s a hookers life.