-- Brad is subject to random drug/alcohol testing.

this is truly Obama’s America, where jocks are now “geeking out” all over the White House. Jesus never wanted people’s feet to be above their heads or else we would have leg ears. Make America Stop Tumbling Again and Again and Again How Do You Not Get Dizzy

a sexy blender

why is sleeping a good thing? i want a president that has never slept, a president that doesnt need to sleep. when do Islams attack? while we are sleeping, those cowards. i want a president that can keep me safe like my dad kept me safe. he would watch me all night every night to protect me from Africans he said and…

The split of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie that nearly split Hollywood in two literally no one cares about except tabloids has since led to an aftershock on an entirely different battleground

um they wont need to. under Chairman Trump they will learn how to work the system and take their money back from the corrupt government who just wastes their wages on things like roads and schools. why, i was just driving on a road and it was fine. why does the government need money for something that is fine? to line…

is aping Rihanna

i was about to say the same thing

“We must reclaim Hong Kong for the glory of the Empire at whatever cost.”

weird boner, am i rite my 12-year-old 43-year-olds?

thank god that under Herr Trump all of your poor ugly children will be sent to the labor dungeons to provide care for all of the beautiful rich children, and dungeon gruel is super-cheap

besides facing criminal charges will be subject to an internal student-conduct investigation

yep and everyone knows it. im 100% with obama on this one:

lead paint isnt even taken care of. Freddy Gray grew up in a home with elevated levels of lead.

lol soooo we’ve voted away the idea of foreign sovereign immunity

for anyone who hasnt read this Mother Jones article on lead already, i highly recommend it

can i wear this even if i dont have a tattoo under my tiny left nipple

amirite

my roommate started doing more cocaine in order to take a break from smoking weed. his bed was at the highest possible position in the room, on top of dressers, and one night he rolled out of bed and fell five feet before hitting his face on the room’s door handle